Over the last month, I’ve started to realize that personal growth isn’t about becoming someone new, but about outgrowing old versions of yourself, letting go of old patterns, and learning to finally trust yourself as you step into a new season. There’s something deeply uncomfortable and deeply freeing about realizing you’ve outgrown who you used to be and that this discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong, but proof that you’re evolving.
Just yesterday, we kicked off the DONE program with Cathy Heller and the first call was SO good. It was full of takeaways, reframes, and those simple truths that somehow explain everything you’ve been struggling to put into words.
It wasn’t about goals.
Or strategies.
Or “what’s the plan.”
It was all about identity. Specifically, how loyal we are to our old one. It’s something that you can’t unsee, once it’s brought to your attention.
So instead of making another list of things I want to do, I decided to name the things I’m done carrying because most of them don’t belong to who I’m becoming anyway.
The sneaky way we stay loyal to an old identity
Here’s the part that really made me stop and think.
We don’t stay stuck because we don’t want change.
We stay stuck because our nervous systems are loyal to what is familiar.
We are so accustomed to who we’ve been and that version of us that learned to survive – even when that version of you is exhausted or shrinking or unhappy with the way things currently are.
We say we want more confidence, more freedom, more abundance,
but then we keep showing up as the version of ourselves who doubts, overthinks, plays small, and second-guesses….and it makes it impossible to move forward.
And suddenly, so much made sense.
All those years I set big goals and somehow ended up in the same place.
All those times I said “this is my year” and quietly slipped back into old patterns.
All the starting and stopping.
All the shame I carried for not following through.
It wasn’t laziness.
It wasn’t a lack of discipline.
I was simply trying to create a new life while still being loyal to an old identity.
And that never works.
Why being “done” isn’t about willpower
This was the biggest reframe for me.
Being “done” isn’t about trying harder.
It’s not about forcing better habits.
It’s not about white-knuckling your way into change.
It’s about deciding who you are no longer available to be.
Because behavior ALWAYS follows identity.
If you still see yourself as:
- the one who starts and stops
- the one who needs permission
- the one who has to prove herself
- the one who plays small to stay safe
you’ll keep unconsciously returning to that version even when you want something different.
So being “done” is an identity decision.
It’s saying: I’m not her anymore.
Everything I’m done with in 2026 (and beyond)
Once I really saw this clearly, the list poured out.
In 2026 and beyond, I am DONE with:
People-pleasing and shrinking to stay safe.
Settling for “fine” when I know I want more.
Doubting myself and calling it realism.
Imposter syndrome pretending to be humility.
Perfectionism disguised as high standards.
Staying quiet when my inner voice is loud and clear.
Letting fear lead.
Carrying shame and guilt that don’t belong to me.
Overthinking everything into exhaustion.
Over-explaining my choices.
Over-carrying emotional weight that isn’t mine.
And I’m also done with:
Not taking care of my body.
Eating food that leaves me feeling sluggish and icky.
Treating self-care like a reward instead of a requirement.
Putting myself last and calling it being responsible.
None of this belongs to the version of me I’m stepping into.
What I’m choosing instead
Being “done” doesn’t mean I suddenly have life figured out.
It means I finally stopped abandoning myself.
In 2026 and beyond, I’m choosing:
- self-trust over self-doubt
- clarity over chaos
- presence over pressure
- courage over comfort
- honesty over harmony
- progress over perfection
It’s not about re-inventing yourself. It’s about remembering who I was before I learned to shrink.
Before I learned to doubt myself.
Before I learned to make myself smaller to belong (I’ve got a whole podcast episode coming up on this juicy topic! )
Final word
I’m done shrinking.
I’m done negotiating my worth.
I’m done being loyal to a version of me that no longer fits.
This next season isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about being different.
I’m in my DONE era.
And I refuse to go back.
Want to go deeper?
If this resonated, I talk more about identity shifts, self-trust, and breaking out of old patterns on my podcast, Be Unrealistic, and I’ll be unpacking this exact topic even more in upcoming episodes. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts 🎧
And while the DONE program is currently closed, there is still so much grounding, clarity, and expansive energy inside This Abundant Life and right now you can get a week inside the membership for $1!
That space continues to be a powerful reminder that you don’t need to become someone new, you just need to stop being loyal to who you’ve outgrown.
Cheering for you always!
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